If you’re interested in watching a clichéd
fanfiction come to life, After We Collided is the movie for you written by Mario Celaya and Anna Todd!
And we’re not just saying this because the
movie is poorly executed and obsessed with sex, we’re saying this because the
movie is an actual adaptation of a YA novel series by Anna Todd that was
published on Wattpad. Sequel to ‘After’, After We Collided is all set to fill
the void Fifty Shades of Grey created in your life.
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So, what really happens in this movie?
Honestly, nothing. If you consider a couple of horny teenagers having sex in
trench coats to be an interesting plotline, then sure, go ahead and think of
this as the runner up for the Oscar season this year.
The sequel picks up right from where ‘After’
ended things. Tessa finds out that the new campus baddie, Hardin Scott only
hooked up with her to complete a dare— which, of course, is humiliating—so she
dumps him. In the new film, she is an intern at some cheap publishing firm where, within
a day, her boss is dumping gifts at her. No, he’s nothing like Mr. Grey – he
lacks the brooding charm that only Jamie Dorman can pull off.
Anyway, he’s now buying her new dresses and
doing her makeup and taking her out to a wild party. At this party, people hook
up with random strangers and – wait for it – the fairy godmother has also
declared her the star employee of the company. She spends an awful amount of
time hooking up with Hardin – and we never discover what his occupation is.
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We’re pretty sure you’re bored with the
storyline so let’s just delve into the mind-blowing facts (emphasis on blowing):
Look if you’re expecting some kind of a
miraculous progress in the sequel, then don’t. Both characters are equally dumb
and have made absolutely no effort to grow as individuals or even as partners.
In fact, we’d like to point out that the storyline is regressive and has no
potential whatsoever.
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As fate would have it, they both give their
romance another shot and obviously misunderstandings and conflicts emerge like
bouncers. But hey, all of these misunderstandings could’ve easily been solved
if they had a brain, but unfortunately they don’t, not even a pea-sized one.
It’s not like they don’t use their mouths; they do it, but for all things
lusty, and never to communicate.
And here’s a terrible truth bomb: the main
leads have zero chemistry. They looked awkward and better apart. Furthermore,
you’ll find some unnecessary and out of the blue characters thrown into the
bunch. In fact, we’d say that the actors were subconsciously aware that the
story was going nowhere and everything was pointless.
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As you already know,this steamy erotica is a
toxic sequel of the Harry Styles inspired fan-fic, so we’re only going to
confirm the rumors: the results were an
epic failure. Why are the two chaotic individuals forcing themselves to stay
together? Okay wait, even if they are, why are they not communicating?
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Honestly, the movie is only going to remind
you of toxic romances like Fifty Shades and Twilight. The plot is pointless and
yet movies like these will continue to release, because they’re counted as
“guilty pleasures”.
What can we say when the actors make no
effort whatsoever? Of course, the dumb plot was saved by no actor and everyone
gave in to the ridiculousness. But fine, we’re going to give Selma Blair a pat
on the back – she was in the film for approximately one minute.
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Okay, so every melodramatic and pointless
movie has meme-worthy dialogues. Like, we can roll out countless memorable
dialogues from the Twilight and Fifty Shades franchises. Sadly, this movie
failed to give us even that.
Who can forget the time Bella asked Edward
how he stopped a freaking van and he replied by saying that it was an
adrenaline rush.
You know what? Twilight and Fifty Shades are
holy compared to this mess. The comparison would actually be an insult. Sorry,
Edward.
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What else would you expect from a movie that
got adapted from a Harry Style fan-fiction? Naturally, you see several unwanted
and senseless sexual encounters – from drunken sex in a hotel room to post-hot
yoga show sex – the movie proves that it was written by a horny sixteen year
old who, by the way, has never had an actual sexual experience in their life.
Anyway, do
like our page on Facebook for some more honest and no-bullshit reviews like
this one!
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What
do you think about this so-called passionate romantic drama? It’s not exactly a
romance novel series, but the adult fiction was adapted from a Wattpad
fanfiction about Harry Styles – pretty sad considering we have so many unheard
stories that actually deserve to be shown there onscreen. Leave your comments
below for Roger Kumble who literally directed this life-changing movie however, the movie is not yet available in Sweden.
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